How Can Team Sports Help An Anxious and Depressed Teen?

If you have checked the news lately, you can probably agree with me that things don’t look great. For example, our politicians seem to have phoned it in, wars are erupting left and right, there is oppressive inflation, sky-high interest rates are crushing the housing market… and, (to really worry people) our kids are not thriving. In fact, studies show that teens are more depressed and anxious than they have ever been. Rates of self-harm have increased by 78% since 2010 in the UK. In the US, suicide rates have increased among girls by 167% and 91% by boys. Hospital beds for mental health emergencies have waiting lists as do eating disorder clinics and adolescent therapists. 

Why is this happening? Schools are trying to integrate SEL (Social Emotional Learning) lessons into schools and the stigma of having a therapist is less nuanced and stigmatized than previous generations. There is even messaging from celebrities explaining their self-help techniques that often involve therapy retreats and ayahuasca induced vacations. So, why are the kids still struggling? 

I would argue that our teens are navigating through uncharted waters with adults who are fumbling to control the landscape. Parenting is hard, and it has been since the beginning of time. However, with social media, addictive video games, the prevalence of online pornography and complete dissolution of small community centers/neighborhoods, the task of parenting is significantly more complex and seemingly more high-stakes than ever before. 

For example, social media has the power to connect two friends who live far away- a wonderful outcome! However, it can also enable the mean girls in your daughter’s middle school to digitally follow her home, taunt her and publicly comment on her appearance in front of their shared peers and to anyone who might be a subscriber. This audience can include teachers, students, parents and strangers from other towns.  

On social media, the comparison to others is delivered at a high-frequency. The scrutiny that takes place in the lunch room is now coming at kids fast and in a scrollable form. Even the best intentions online can be delivered with a side of eye-catching bad advice. For example, clicking on one fitness influencer can lead to advertisements for weight-loss shakes and makeup tutorials. The images are manicured and depict a sense of perfection that we all yearn for. It is a modern-day Barbie/Ken-esque world with bullshit advice on how to enhance muscle tone (for an example) without disclosing the testosterone supplements, steroids and digital filters needed to obtain the same look. 

Video games and pornography also find their way into these algorithms. It takes one curious kid to hear their friend’s older brother on the bus mention pornhub, and before they know it they are deep into endless videos without even learning the basics of human biology. 

What is the antidote to this problem? 

Jonathan Haidt has some great ideas on how to solve this, which he outlines in his new book, The Anxious Generation. One of his ideas involves parents collectively agreeing to ban social media and smartphones up until specific ages. I love this idea, and I think there are other options we can implement earlier on. 

One of the biggest suggestions I make to parents is to enroll them into team sports. I would actually prefer depressed and anxious tweens/teens (without any other severe indications of mental illness) to join a sports team before they see a therapist. The same things that make adults feel better, work for kids too. This means getting sunlight, exercise, sharing a collective goal with others, interacting with positive mentors and finding purpose.

I’ve outlined even more reasons for why I am passionate about adolescents joining a sport (preferably one with a team component) below. 

• Data tells us that the biggest positive influence on our children's lives is actually not through their parents. It comes from their mentors, teachers, friends and their friend's parents. As a result, if you can vet these people in their lives and create a village of positive adults around them, the values and messages you uphold are more easily passed on. This becomes manageable with a sports team. Interview the coach, get a vibe of the program and the competitiveness that feels most appropriate for your kid, and meet as many parents as possible on the sideline. 

• Sports require practice and practicing takes up time. This means less time in front of screens and less time to ruminate over school drama and physical appearances.

• Sports celebrate the individual who earns the most respect through work ethic and skills. For girls especially, it is important to expose them to a world in which strength and dexterity is valued over beauty.

• You’ve heard it a million times but losing is important. Failing and trying again along with a team beside you shows strength in unity and provides learning opportunities. 

Again, your kid doesn’t need to be the star on varsity or even participate on a competitive team. The sport is a vehicle to get them outside, away from screens and among a community that provides purpose and support. Try this first and we can always book a session later.